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⚫ Unconventional Route: Chris Blachut

⚫ Unconventional Route: Chris Blachut
Manufacture:1985 in Vancouver, Canada
Model:Male, 6’3”, 200 pounds
Languages:English (native), Spanish and French (business-level fluency)
Aliases:None. Just Chris.
Primary Uses:Analysis, problem-solving, getting organized

Warming Up

To get optimal, long-lasting, and reliable performance out of Chris we strongly recommend you warm him up prior to intensive use.

Preferred Environments

Good:Home dinner parties, cheap places to eat, outdoor workout area or basketball court
Bad:Expensive events or restaurants, loud parties, and formal occasions

Topics of Conversation

Good:Sports (especially basketball), fitness, investing, unconventional thoughts, business ideas, travel.
Bad:Politics, gossip, religion, music (other than 90s to mid 2000s rap)


Manufacture Defects

Allergies:Slight to cats and pollen.
Physical Defects:Bent nose from many accidents and scar under nose from biking into a parked car and landing on his face at age 15.
Emotional Defects:Rarely expresses strong emotion, positively or negatively.

Do Not Push The Following Buttons

Complaining:Chris will not empathize unless you propose solutions to your problem.
Bragging:Do not share your accomplishments with Chris unless asked.
Lack of CommitmentChris does not tolerate people who do not commit to invites in case something “better” or “more important” might come up.

Avoid Personal Injury

Do not take Chris’ feedback personally. His tactless and direct, but well-intended, attempts to help can be misperceived if you are sensitive.

Operating Instructions


Calendar: Schedule in advance. Chris does not respond well to last-second requests, invitations, or changes.
Hours:Best between 7 a.m. and 7 p.m. Shuts down at 10 p.m.
Frequency:Once a week maximum for social purposes.
Contact:Chris responds most directly to phone calls. He responds to messages a few times a day and emails once a week.


Noise-Level:Quiet. No loud music or over-crowded events.
Group Size:Small. Chris gets uncomfortable in groups bigger than six.
Working:Leave Chris alone when he’s working for best performance.


Restrictions:Eats and drinks everything.
Intolerances:Zero allergies or dietary restrictions.
Frequency:Twice a day. Does not take fuel in the morning.
Favorites:Nachos, Dairy Queen blizzards, and taste tests.

Care and Maintenance

Chris requires minimal care, attention, and maintenance once you have him warmed up and running smoothly.

But please keep in mind the following:

Reciprocate:Chris expects you to return invites he makes to you with invites of your own. If not, he will assume you’re not interested in a relationship.
Avoid Over-Handling:Chris will likely shut down if you use him too frequently. (See: Operating Instructions -> Scheduling -> Frequency)
Feedback:Chris greatly appreciates constructive feedback and takes it unemotionally and impersonally. He does not need compliments.
Assistance:Connect Chris with others. His networking abilities are dismal


Q: Why isn’t Chris responding?

A: Chris typically only responds to emails once a week and text messages once or twice a day. If urgent, call him. Don’t leave a voice message. He’ll call back as soon as he can.

Q: Why isn’t Chris making any noise?

Chris doesn’t like to be the center of attention, prefers to listen than to talk, and doesn’t find silence uncomfortable.

Q: Why is Chris writing on his phone while we’re talking?

A: Chris is adding information from your conversation to his daily journal, where he logs EVERYTHING he does.

Q: Why isn’t Chris looking at me in the eye?

A: Chris thinks better when not looking at anything.

Q: Why hasn’t Chris invited me to do anything recently?

A: Most likely because you have not invited him to anything or you have too frequently turned down his invites. Or he’s out of the country.

In Case of Emergency

For expert emergency assistance and relationship repairs, contact Kim: